It's amazing how much time I have. I went from trying to cram everything in to no time at all, to having no idea what I'm doing with my life. That's why I'm blogging so much. Because I'm thinking so much. Because I have time to think so much.
And plenty of my friends will be back soon, because I think they're still out of town, and they'll be back by next week. So my schedule will pick up. But for now, I'm left with my emotions and nothing to do. So hopefully I'll have sorted it out a little as I get back to my friends.
But as I think about hanging out with my friends, there's one thing that's on my mind: I know I've changed a lot in the past semester. I wonder how apparent it is to my friends.
Not that change is a bad thing. I think change is a good thing, or at least this change. But there's definitely been a change in my personality, from spending time with completely new people, and changing friendship dynamics. And now, I get to come back, and I wonder how much my friends will be able to gather from my semester just by interacting with me. I wonder if they'll be able to tell how many massages I got because of how affectionate I am with everyone I interact with now. I wonder if they're going to know what I went through theologically through all of the tongue-in-cheek remarks I make about mainstream Christianity. I wonder what my friends are going to think when they first talk to me.
I know the first reaction will be, "BEARD!!!!" but after the physical appearance, what will they think about me? I go through this every semester, but not to this magnitude. And it's not like I'm scared, but it's always on my mind. I just know that it's going to what I'm thinking of when I see my friends for the first time. I've been looking for change, but these interactions are my first encounters with how much I've changed. And I'm nervous.