One of the things I didn't do it for was for the publicity. I've done that before. Some of the motivation for me going to Africa before my senior year of high school was being the kid who's been to Africa. Been there, done that, check it off the list. When I get back, have people ask me how it was, give a vague, deep, emotion-filled answer, and instant respect from anyone who doesn't want to dig deeper.
Turns out that wasn't what it was. It was actually hard, it was actually difficult, and it was actually moving. I couldn't just say I went, say it was hard, and get back be unaffected. That just wasn't possible when taking into account the trip. I thought I would be able to get back, have instant respect, and that's all she wrote. So I've went through that. It was stupid, naive, immature, and any of the other things you can think about it. But the important thing was, when I actually got back, I couldn't just move on. Because it had really touched me deeply, and affected me more than I could have expected.
And now, the irritating thing that keeps coming to mind. Preventing me from legitimately writing a blog. Preventing me from trudging (to trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on) through this stuff that's all pent up in my head. I need to break the surface to reach any depth, and the break the surface I need to remove the junk in the way.
I also must clarify this is not directed at anyone from the South Africa semester I was on. While it may apply to some people, I have no idea, because there has been time for this to reveal itself. Someone could have went with the wrong motive, but still experienced something beyond their comprehension. So now that no fingers are being pointed, I will proceed.
I'm tired of the Christians who have this view of Africa as a tourist location. Because it's not. A tourist location is the farthest possible thing from Africa (Despite the fact that we stayed in a resort-worthy location in Pietermaritzburg, a beautiful beachfront hotel in Durban, and Cape Town is all around amazing). What we did when I went wasn't tourism. What Christians do when they go on mission trips isn't tourism. So first of all, I hate this view of mission trips. It's something that really only affects those who have never been on one, and definitely doesn't affect everyone who hasn't been on one. But there's these Christians with idyllic views of mission trips, who want to hear all about it when someone gets back. Like it's a story to tell. Like one can get back from a 4 months in South Africa, and sit down the next day and launch into a perfect, novel-worthy narrative of what happened. Over lunch. While not falling behind on eating. And including all the details. And keeping it to an hour because they have things to do. This isn't possible.
People ask how it was. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Great? It was good? I enjoyed it? That's not enough for people. But even when someone presses, and I talk for more than a minute, I can see the boredom in their eyes. (Tip: If you care, ask about it. If you don't care, then offer a question such as "Did you love it?" and move on. Don't pretend to care only to leave me hanging in the same, minute long conversation) But these people who think that I've been gone on a vacation couldn't be more wrong. And I'm grateful to all of the wonderful people at home who have seen and understood this, regardless of whether or not they've been to Africa. My family and my friends have been so supportive in this, which has helped me, but that doesn't save me from the idiots who dangle their caring in front of me only to yank it away when I actually start to put emotion into the conversation.
Sorry, unexpected tangent. But this view of mission trips as vacations perpetuates another thing that really pisses me off about some people. The people who come back from a mission trip with only a picture of them holding a small African child. No change. No emotion. When asked about what it was like, they respond with an air-headed "It was so beautiful! There was so much poverty and I met this beautiful child named (insert generic African name here) and look at this picture!" And then they post that picture on their facebook, to show off to everyone they've been to Africa. And then they leave it up for years and say they're "never moving on" when in actuality that's the only connection they have with that location anymore. They don't think about it, even when they look at their pictures. They don't think about it, even when they see people from that mission team. They don't think about it, even when they're thinking about poverty. The people who completely miss the point of the mission trip. The "I went over there and helped out and now it's done" short-term mission mentality. It's irritating to me that someone could return with just stories and pictures. It's remarkable that there are people who have been on mission trips that now have just as much connection with that place as I do: none.
I think the reason this is so frustrating to me is the fact that I'm a slightly cynical person. The only impacts I see from a short-term (read: 1 week) mission trip are for the missionaries. The people who travel so far to destroy their viewpoints, blow their expectations out of the water, and question their beliefs. And despite the expenses of long-range, short-term missions, I'm still a believer that they are worth the cost. The thing is, if I believe the only consequences of short-term missions are in the missionary, and the missionary is unaffected by the trip, I feel like the cost of that trip was wasted. And it hurts me to see wasted money, especially when that wasted money is up to 3 or 4 thousand dollars for a week. And especially when that money could go to help the very people that one is missioning to, and have more of an effect on those people than the mission would. It just seems like a waste of money. And the other reason is I find close-minded people incredibly obnoxious. I'm all about being firm in your beliefs, but close-mindedness leads to ignorance. ("Close minded people are part of what's wrong with the world" - Johnny Cash) And you don't get much more close minded than ignoring a mission experience. Refusing to change like that.
This view (not only in Christians, but that should never ever be in Christians) that a mission trip is a vacation is killing me. I'm so tired of dealing with people like this. Or when someone chats you to ask "how was Africa?" Like, really? What do you even want me to say?
I guess I just hate dealing with people who don't know. And these people, they have no idea. They have no idea what I went through, what I saw, and what I felt. Some even may have read my blog, but still don't know a thing about what I experienced. And when they come up and try to be relatable? Just stop that. There's no need for that. You and I both know that you can't relate to my experience from your comfortable, Scottsdale life, so don't even pretend. Or we can both tell that, because the farthest from home you've ever been is ASU, that despite the fact that you either nod or say "mmhmm" after every sentence, you don't understand. And that's the frustrating part for me.
Not that I want to be understood, but I hate not being understood. I'm not longing to talk to someone who understands, or listens, or anything like that, because I have people who have done an incredible job with that. I just don't want someone to ask who won't understand, because that' the most frustrating thing of all.
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